Anxiety is dumb. I haven’t had much of a problem with it for the majority of my life so far but probably in the past 10 or so years I have tended to feel anxious about things, to the point where I sometimes don’t follow through with plans or I avoid things because the stress I feel beforehand, seems like it’s too much of a price to pay. This is ridiculous of course.
Today I told anxiety to shove off. I got in the car and drove to the city and hung out with my lovely friend L. We met when we were first year uni students, although she was almost fresh out of high school and I was newly divorced with two tiny children and already head towards my mid-30’s. I liked her straight away and found her incredible insight and intellect to be pretty fantastic, particularly in someone so young. Thankfully she liked me too.
Over the years we have studied together, worked together, drank together, not seen each other for a while and then spent time together again. I just think she’s fantastic and spending a Saturday morning in her company was a great start to my weekend.
Such is the beauty of friends. For a long time I found it difficult to have friends (there’s a long story behind this, for another post I think) and then I was suddenly in a space where I could make friends with whomever I wished. So I did. Some of those amazing people are still in my life and I hope they always will be. Some unfortunately I am no longer in touch with and that’s okay too because they all gave me something precious along the way.
It has been said that making friends as you get older becomes more difficult. That may be true for some but it isn’t for me and maybe that is because I am making up for so much lost time, or maybe it’s because I want to be open to experiencing time with other people or maybe it’s because I just talk to everyone I meet! But even though I have made many friends as I’ve gotten older, I do tend not to see them as much as I would like. So this year I am saying yes to being with my friends a lot more. I am not going to let the heart thumping, breath shortening, good time limiting madness that is my anxiety get in the way. I’m simply going to feel it, acknowledge it then flick it away. Because, as clichéd as it may sound, life is too short. And this year, I’m saying yes to living it!