For the past couple of days I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts. I’ve had some interactions at work which have been the source of mild frustration, causing me to wonder for the nine billionth time whether it’s the right job for me.
I’ve had some very early starts, some broken sleep, some anxiety and it resulted in me longing for a life less ordinary as I drove to work this morning. I watched the speed racers cut me off at the intersection, I once again screwed my nose up along the section of the road which smells like the fermenting urine of a thousand cows and I headed to work thinking, there must be more than this.
But then I remembered not so long ago, the thick creamy envelope which arrived in the mail signaling the beginning of a year long court battle for my children. During that time I longed for an ordinary afternoon where I would come home from work, children in tow, and not have to deal with the sickening anxiety which comes along with receiving yet another affidavit full of half truths and vicious accusations.
That battle had barely ended when my mother rang to tell me that the reason she had sounded so strange on the phone all week was because she was awaiting the biopsy results which told her that yes, she did have breast cancer. After a year surgery, radiation and feeling helpless, she came through and life went back to normal and for that we were all grateful.
Six months later an odd looking mole which I thought I should probably have investigated grew over 2 centimetres in the two days it took for me to get to the doctor. I said to him “are you worried”, he said “yes” and he booked me in the next day for it to be removed. I waited 10 agonising days, unable to think of anything but the worst outcome. Then I was told I was fine. I have a very large scar but that is all.
As each of these events unfolded one after the other I longed for the sameness of an ordinary day. I wanted it to be over, the worry, the stress, the fear which gnawed at me all day long. I made deals with the universe promising never to wish for anything other than the health and happiness of my children and family and through sheer luck, we have returned to that state of normality one so craves when in the midst of a state which is anything but normal.
So today I told myself to cut it out. I reminded myself that I could find another job, it may take time but it’s possible. I reminded myself that I have a roof over my head, a good car, healthy children and the kind of mundane ordinariness that many people can only hope will come their way.
This desire to embrace the mundane doesn’t stop me from reaching for the stars sometimes, it just helps me to be grateful for all the very good things that I have. So here’s to ordinary, mundane, normal, not a bad place to be.