Having a whole long weekend to myself, and not feeling quite right about spending four days on the couch in my pyjamas, I decided not to let the grass grow as it were, and jump right back into dating again. I had been feeling so relieved after ending my last relationship that when I was asked out for lunch on Saturday I said yes without hesitation.
We had a nice time. He was attractive and we had lots in common. But when he laughed (and he had a good laugh) he reminded me so much of my younger brother that it threw me completely. I tried to tell myself I was being ridiculous and when he suggested we go out again, I pushed past the fact that I didn’t feel there was any real chemistry, and said yes.
Whenever a relationship ends, irrespective of who instigated the breakup, it can be hard not to feel a bit rejected and undesirable. So being asked out on a second date with someone so soon after a break up, well, it made me feel a bit better about myself. Even though I felt there was something missing.
But the next morning he emailed (emailed!!) and said he had changed his mind and he didn’t want to see me again after all. I felt both relieved and rejected and then of course, all of the tiny doubts that I had been feeling about my break up came rushing back and I felt like crap. It’s just lucky it’s Easter and mainlining chocolate is pretty much mandatory.
So then I started thinking well, I guess that’s it for me. I will never be in a relationship again. Despite having much love to give there will never be anyone for me… Catastrophise you say? Who me?
There’s nothing quite like having a girlfriend over to share pink cordial vodka drinks with you to help you regain a bit of perspective. After hashing over my relationship, her past relationship, the horror of internet dating and the fact that it takes a huge amount of work to be “out there”, I felt a lot better.
So I am going to keep dating and see what comes my way. You really do just have to get out there.
I am also going to admit to myself that although I thought I was taking the high road and minimising the damage, telling GM that it wasn’t him, it was me, was a mistake. Because all I’ve done is thought about the things I wish I had told him so he could see how taken for granted and disrespected I felt. It’s too late now of course but I’ve learned something for next time.
In between courses, you have to have a palate cleanser and that is what Saturday’s date was I think. The first date back was never going to be the “one”, even though this happens every single time in the movies. But I am realistic and I knew it wasn’t going to be anything more than it was. So now I’ve had the sorbet and I’m ready to try the next course. Or perhaps a few more appetisers, just to be sure I’ve chosen the right one.