Day 536 – Opposites and Dating

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Sometimes, opposites attract. We’ve all met or know couples who make us think “how on earth did they get together”? Yet somehow they make it work.

I think you can be in a good relationship with someone who is very different from you. Let’s face it, being with someone exactly the same will get boring, and probably a little bit creepy, after a while. But I think you need to have one thing that brings you together. For me, that one thing is conversation. If I meet someone I can talk the afternoon away with, then they get a very big tick in the plus column. I recently with out with someone with whom I had really great conversation. Philosophical, political, chatty, burst out laughing conversation. It made him extremely attractive to me. Alas he did not feel the same way and so I must move on.  Shame though.

Today I went out on a date with a very nice man. He was pleasant looking, arrived on time, had a really great smile, and paid for lunch. All ticks. But he could not hold a conversation come hell or high water. And it was excruciating. We had had a brief telephone conversation earlier in the week which was super awkward and marked by way too many silences but I gave him the benefit of the doubt because plenty of people just don’t like talking on the phone. Also, he had mentioned in his first correspondence that he tended to be the quiet type. So I decided to go ahead and see what happened when we met in person.

We met at a garden café and unfortunately, I hadn’t booked a table, thinking that it wouldn’t be that busy. So we were seated out on the lawn, in the glorious sunshine, overlooking the river. We weren’t the only ones so it didn’t seem strange. I apologized for neglecting to book and brightly stated how lovely it was to sit in the sun. He smiled and nodded in agreement. Then, nothing.

I work in a talking profession. Part of what I do is to find out about people and so I accept that I had the advantage. But his monosyllabic answers were a bit tough to take. Which meant that when, within minutes of sitting down, the strong and somewhat overpowering smell of freshly laid manure wafted over us, neither of us said anything. We both noticed it. You’d have to have had no olfactory senses at all to have missed it.

If I’d been with someone I’d even remotely clicked with, I would have mentioned it straight away and allowed myself the snort of laughter I was so desperate to let out. But no. I just sat there, asking questions, and holding my breath every 5 minutes or so when the breeze sent the unmistakable smell of cow crap our way.

We both ordered food but there was deathly silence when perusing the menu. Which I find really odd. When you’re with a friend or even someone you like, you chat about the selections don’t you? He didn’t even respond when I enquired as to his preference. And then he ordered quinoa. Which meant I couldn’t make fun of the quinoa on the menu.

It lasted an heroic (on my part) 1.5 hours. I’m pretty sure he felt just as uncomfortable as I did. He began looking at his watch with such frequency and such lack of discretion that I eventually said “I see you’re looking at your watch quite a bit, do you have to get going?” He said, no!

However, I took this as my out and told him I actually had things to do for the afternoon. This wasn’t a lie but I could have put them off until tomorrow if the date had been going well.

He paid for lunch and I thanked him, because I thought that was really nice of him. I told him it was nice to meet him and bade him farewell. He made no mention of meeting again and he has not sent a follow up text. I am relieved. Because I won’t have to tell him that I can’t see him again.

Bad dates are tough. They exacerbate the loneliness and make it seem as though single is the natural state of being for me. Maybe it is, but I am not ready to accept that just yet.

I wish it wasn’t so hard. I don’t think I am asking for too much. In the words of the fabulous Aziz Ansari “I want someone I have a very deep connection with and I can sit around having the most fun with.. ever!”

Surely there’s a single fellow out there looking for that too?

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2 thoughts on “Day 536 – Opposites and Dating

  1. I concur, finding a partner to share deep conversations with (light ones too) is a must. Wiser people than me say that as we age, the importance of good companionship with a partner is magnified. For me, at the heart of this is being someone who is ‘interesting and interested’, when these two things are present … the conversation seems to flow, the chance for deep connection begins and the journey of companionship is underway. So, if there is any grain of truth in any of this – why is it soooooo hard to find?

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    • Oh how I wish I knew! I think you just have to keep putting yourself out there.. and I think as I get older I also feel more able to voice how I’m feeling so I tend to put up with less than I would have even five or six years ago. I think the frustrating thing for me is when I do meet someone and all the factors seem to be there then I never hear from them again and I wish I knew why.

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