Day 613 – Half and Half

half full

I am a pretty optimistic person. I am not super chirpy all day long but given a choice I will turn my head towards the light rather than slip into the dark.

For the most part, my glass is half full but from time to time my inner cynic mixes herself a mojito and comes out to question why I bother. She asked me this very question this morning when I was pondering a smart casual outfit to wear on a date I have tonight. It’s a first date, so it will be short and sharp because I actually have something else to go to tonight (isn’t it always the way)? This gives me both an escape plan and the illusion of having a full and fabulous social life.

I was feeling good about meeting this chap. He sounds nice, he presents as relatively intelligent in conversation and he has a nice photo. But then I got to thinking that this meeting can go only one of three ways:

  1. We meet. He is very keen, he likes me a lot but I just don’t feel a thing. I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have to lie about leaving soon and make a timely exit. He texts me soon after and I have to give that awkward reply about how it’s not him, it’s me.
  2. We meet. I am very keen. I like him a lot and I get a bit excited. Then he tells me how he is very busy with work in the next few weeks so he’s probably not going to be around much. He clearly does not like me. He makes a timely exit. I never hear from him again.
  3. We meet. He’s clearly lied about his height, his picture was from 10 years ago and I force myself to endure one diet coke before I leave for my next engagement. I get into my car, breathe a heavy sigh and burst into tears at the frustration of it all.

You see? There she is in full force my inner cynic. Her mojito is most definitely half empty and she’s making me do that thing I sometimes do, where I go all self-sabotage-y before I even arrive.

There is of course a fourth option and even the cynic can’t quash that tiny barely there feeling that maybe I will like him, he will like me, we know straight away that there just might be potential for something and my blog posts become a lot rosier from here on in. This fourth option, whilst possible, also feels very unlikely today.

But I will put something nice on, I will do my hair, clean my teeth, smile and say “it’s so nice to meet you” and I will tell myself that there are many worse things in life than heading out to meet a man who could, no matter how much of a long shot it is, just possibly be the man for you.

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