Dating Don’ts

hearts and crosses

There are some things you shouldn’t do on a date. Here is a short, but by no means finite list:

  1. Do not talk excessively about your ex. We’ve covered this before. You get it, kindly refrain.
  1. Using utensils to scratch and/or clean any part of yourself. This should not be done prior to eating, nor after eating. It’s repulsive and there’s really no excuse for it. It’s the sort of thing you can see your socially inept uncle doing whilst his long suffering wife mutters “for God’s sake Len would you cut it out!”
  1. Don’t talk with length and with relish about yourself, your hopes, your dreams, what you did last night and how wonderful you are as a human being, then fall silent and look off into the distance, without making any enquiry of your date.
  1. Forget (or refuse to) use your napkin. Particularly if you are partaking of a breakfast dish containing runny egg. Surely, you can feel that yolk dripping down your chin?
  1. Jump in and order your coffee before asking your date what they might like? This is rude, and suggests you are devoid of manners. Even when one is simply enjoying a coffee with a friend, you should ask your companion what they wish to order before talking over them with what you want.
  1. Sometimes adults realise that they are, to borrow a well worn phrase, “just not that into you”. This is perfectly fine. It happens. So because you’re an adult, you should behave like one. You know what I mean. No ghosting.
  1. If you happen to be meeting someone for the first time on Valentines Day, don’t make a big deal about how much you hate it, or draw attention to it in such a way as it’s obvious that you don’t want your date to “get the wrong idea”. As though she thinks it means more because you meet on cupid’s special day. When you do this, you sound like a dick.
  1. This is a bit of a controversial one, but I’m just going to say it. Don’t expect your date to fork out for her coffee/poached eggs/smashed avocado on toast. It’s unseemly. After the first date, I subscribe to “whoever asks, pays” or even an agreement to each pay for their own. Now I know that a man who is paying for a lot of first dates might baulk at the amount of money pouring out, but, and I know this is a double standard, women tend to spend quite a bit of money on the pre-date preparation. Including make up, hair, nails, outfits and so on. And the fact is, women pay more for all of this stuff. So stump up. It’s really off putting when you don’t.

There are so many other don’ts I could write about, but it’s Valentines Day and I’m erring on the side of love. For now.


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