Online dating is something that most people do these days. Where once the question “so where did you two meet” was met with an awkward and hushed “online”, now people respond with the name of the dating app they used without a whisker of embarrassment. And neither there should be. We live in modern times, embracing of all things modern is not a bad thing.
However (and didn’t you just know there was going to be a however), with the swiftness and initial anonymity of meeting via a computer, comes an often unfiltered way of corresponding which leaves much to be desired.
I am referring of course, to Tinder. Quick and easy. No muss no fuss. If you’re in you swipe right and start messaging straight away. If you’re out you swipe left and carry on your merry way, the person you rejected being none the wiser, so feelings are less hurt and you can sort the wheat from the chaff a bit more efficiently. Unfortunately you do have to still sort through a ton of very unsuitable fellows (I am sure this goes the other way as well) and whilst doing the sifting you are exposed to what must surely be the worst that dating has to offer.
Tinder, as most people know, commenced as a hook up app where those inclined to do so, could find a like minded soul looking to get down and dirty there and then, and job done. Great for those only in town for the night, or even a few hours. But it has morphed into more of a dating app where the current urban myth doing the rounds is “oh they met on Tinder… yes, it’s going really well. They’re really happy”.
It’s wonderful that people are (supposedly) finding true love on Tinder, but I am yet to do so. The endless profiles of married men, those pretending not to be married (but sporting obvious wedding rings), men looking for women to dominate (with accompanying soft porn photos), pictures of men with tigers/monkeys/jumping out of planes/skiing/surfing etc, and some truly awful memes can get a bit tiring. There are also some very angry men who say things like “If I’m an asshole to you, you fucking deserve it”, or “U career girls want everything. So demanding, no wonder there’s so many of you alone”.* Can you believe these fellas even need to use a dating app? I mean women must just be falling at their feet with these charmers.
I have been on three Tinder dates, none of them good. Two of the chaps were so full of themselves they dominated conversation about themselves, their lives, what they wanted and how wonderful they were. When there was a gap in conversation long enough for me to contribute they barely even looked at me. And they did not pay for the coffee. The other chap was pleasant enough but extremely dull and almost certainly gay. He did pay and I hope for his own happiness he feels able to come out soon.
I have conversed with a few chaps but none of them particularly interesting. Most were just coming out of relationships which I guess is inevitable in your 40’s. Several of whom were living with family members or at no fixed address which isn’t remotely attractive.
Lots of them have been overly familiar, calling me beautiful and sweetheart and babe, shortening my name despite my asking them not to and signing off their messages with an “x”. I mean what is that all about? Why on earth do you think it’s okay to be so familiar with me after a 2 line message? And the signing off with a kiss? I am sorry but that’s just creepy.
The above being said, I am still on Tinder. I am nothing if not optimistic but it’s not looking too good. I know LTR’s and marrieds may be under the illusion that you just pop onto a dating app and there you are. There’s obviously a ton of single people out there, why can’t we all just match up. But it’s just not that easy. It should be, but it isn’t.
My advice to anyone on a dating app, male or female, is don’t be a jerk. If you hate women (or men) that much, then perhaps spend some time in therapy or writing your feelings down where no one will see them, rather than raging on a dating app. And a second piece of old-fashioned advice in these modern times, treat others how you wish to be treated, you might see some very different results.
*These are actual profiles taken from Tinder. I didn’t embellish. I didn’t need to.