Three weeks ago, a man I had broken up with for being too casual, contacted me and said that he’d like to give things another go. I said I wasn’t sure how I felt but if we did start our relationship again, he would need to make a lot more effort. He said he understood this. I never heard from him again.
I had already started dating again in between the break up and the abovementioned meeting during which time I met three chaps as follows:
- 6 weeks out of a 20 year marriage, who still referred to his ex-partner as his wife and who clearly had no idea what he was doing on a first date.
- Tried to defend violence against women to me and wanted to know what my ex-husband would say about our divorce., you know, because “devil’s advocate”; and
- Talked only about himself, asked me one question about myself and generally behaved as though he was deeply disappointed with the person sitting across from him (ie me).
Never one to give in I forged ahead and still reeling from the above I asked an acquaintance if she knew anyone for me. She did! She sent him a text and suggested he might want to go on a date with me. No, he said. He was recently broken hearted and was not interested. Knew nothing about me apart from my relationship status but still said no.
Then on Saturday I planned to meet a chap who had contacted me on Thursday to check if I still wanted to meet him. Yes, said I. I’m looking forward to it. At 10pm Friday night he messaged me to say he had met someone wonderful so he wouldn’t be coming to meet me after all. Sorry.
Two rejections from men who I hadn’t even met. That’s a double whammy for a gal’s self-esteem I have to say!
In the aftermath of multiple rejections I went scrolling through RSVP (yes I know I said I hate it, I do, but desperate times dear reader….) and there I happened upon the profile of the man who said he wanted me back. In a masochistic haze I messaged him, whereupon he told me he’d started seeing someone. I guess he got over me fairly swiftly then.
It’s not been a good month for me. I consider myself to be an optimist but the tint is wearing off my rose-coloured glasses and I don’t really like what I see.
Clearly I am doing something wrong. I don’t know what it is, but it’s something. For those keeping score at home, that’s three bad dates, two pre-meeting rejections and the two lots of no thank you from a man who told me he wanted me back!
So I’m taking some time away to re-boot. I have always felt that I was unlikely to re-partner after divorce. It just never seemed to be something that would happen for me. I’ve dated a lot and met a few men I really liked but nothing ever really became anything.
As I’ve written about before, it may well be that I am a lid-less pot. Lots of people are. Despite the fact that I really would like to have a lovely partner, it’s becoming increasingly likely that this just won’t happen for me. But in the meantime, there are lots of other things to fill the gap. It’s not that I won’t lament being alone, I most certainly will. But the time and effort being put in for pretty much no return have become too much for now. And no matter what, I don’t ever want to lament a life half lived.